I wrote this several months ago and I share it a bit hesitantly. It’s partly allegorical and I suppose there are always dangers with allegory – even a little of it. Someone may misunderstand or point out the discrepancy between solid scripture and a writer’s conception. I understand. But the feeling is orthodox, I assure you, though the confines of language as we know it may be a poor substitute for what will one day “be”. And of course the majesty and beauty of that Someone and Someday is what I’m trying to convey.
Written after a tough day of missing my mom, I offer this simply as longing.
When I think of God, I picture him as the greatest among the great Kings of Old in the great, good stories of Old. And if what Tozer said is accurate, than any thoughts I think about God are the most important thing about me, so I have to be careful here, right?
This thinking just gets me to a beginning story which I know breaks down. He is so far above this thought I have of him; he is wholly and beautifully above any created thing.
He’s perfect and powerful.
Holy and majestic.
Completely good.
Isn’t it amazing to know that the only One who understands all the secrets of my heart on one hand, holds all the fathomless mysteries of the universe on the other? Yet when I speak to him – and this is the fantastic part to realize – he bends he beautiful face toward me and listens with the attention of one entirely unbounded by time. He can listen without letting anything else slip because he has nothing better to do at that point, no other distraction that calls to him or pulls his attention from me.
He is fully able to be fully present with me…a gift given only to One living outside the confines of minutes, seconds or hours.
I think he has courage and bravery and joy written all over his face. I always imagine that face is lined because in my mind, I equate the Ageless One somehow still with age. I can’t quite picture a young Father; although I can picture a young-old one, if that makes sense. If I had the words to describe him they would be all wrapped up in the most beautiful Word…but I can’t pronounce it yet and neither can you. We don’t have our full vocabulary just now… But we will.
If it were possible for us to catch a glimpse of this timeless Being today, I think his beauty would break our hearts. Incomprehensible for those of us restricted by time, that beauty is all wrapped up with His holiness. And if we could somehow look? Well, then who could bear to look away?
Because I’m human and because my sight is limited to what I know and see of loveliness now, I sketch mental pictures of the Eternal City as an exquisite Kingdom…the mansions Scripture describes (which are allegory in and of themselves) are set on something like Karon’s high, green hills and are built entirely without ramparts (no need exists to keep anyone out, after all). These castles are sheltering places with balconies whose beauty both beckon and welcome. High turrets reach for the heights and offer glimpses of the Far Away from any of their many bright windows. And light…always and everywhere light.
Silver bugles coupled with the clear notes of a thousand flutes call the saints home and they are always sounding, sending echoes of the purest kind of freedom through every wooded hillside and across the crystal clear river that flows out from the throne of God.
Souls that fade here, reappear on the outskirts of the Eternal City. And isn’t it sweet to think that part of the gladness of the Great Entry is the first sight of all of that beauty? Perhaps it’s too much to take in all at once and so the King gives it out in pieces that are just big enough…growing the saints’ souls with each step that brings them nearer until they are able to contain the beauty and they walk forward to share in their Master’s joy.
I believe that expectancy never quite leaves those who live in that City…but always exists in the feeling that something good is about to happen…and is happening…and just finished happening.
I think he has gifted us with the capacity for amazing growth…and he wants us to look for ways to stretch ourselves way, way beyond ourselves while we’re here. To take the time it takes to really know each other; to take the care it takes to really care about each other. I think that’s the work of the soul, friends, not the heart. I just don’t think the heart has the growth capacity to expand that far.
And you can say I’m foolish (maybe I am!), but I think that growing capacity produces a longing in us for him, and that longing is the real essence of us. He made us for himself, after all and so it just follows, doesn’t it? That feeling is common to all of us, although some of us are too ashamed to admit it, and so we push that feeling down…and stifle it with all kinds of unnecessary chatter. We use words like “childish wishing” or “sentiment” to describe it when actually it’s just the opposite. It’s deep calling to deep and the wisest among us are those who never let that feeling get too far away. The foolish among us tuck it away tight because it scares us and we know somehow that if brought out into the light, it will demand to be dealt with.
But what we should do is let that thought rise to the very top of our hearts and minds – and then let it teach us wisdom. Because God is the pinnacle of thought. He is the eternal hope.
He is the great pursuer and redeemer and guardian of our souls; who wants nothing more than for us to give ourselves over to him, so that he can give us the desires of our hearts.
He never proves false, and never proves faithless. It does me good to remember that God is watching over the affairs of my life, steadying me when I falter, sometimes matching his steps to mine, and yet always nudging me forward. And always hoping that the heart he put in me will trust his to champion mine.
Of course, these ideas I have sketched out of what this all looks like are a poor rendition of whatever the reality will be. But I suppose they put a bit of substance to the longing that can’t be completely described this side of the Kingdom and won’t exist on the other.
He is fitting us for heaven, dear ones. Every single day, he is doing some sweet, mysterious, good work in us, because he is keeping some sweet, mysterious, good secret for us.
And someday he will lean over and whisper that ageless, matchless secret to those of us who want to hear it. To you and to me…who have always wanted to matter and are trying in a thousand different ways to offer light to whatever part of this beautiful, exquisite, mixed-up world we get to live in.
The wonder of the Kingdom, friends. And we get to help bring it.